Never Fall in Love With an Innsbrucker

She prefers her hiking, ski, or snowboard boots over stilettos. Dressing up means donning a Lederhose or Dirndl instead of a tuxedo or dress. Her legs will be bruised and scraped from mountain biking. Her hands will be rough because of all the climbing she does, that also means that she’ll always have a stronger hand shake than you.

She’ll stare at the mountain peaks and ignore you as you ramble on about current events. All she ever wants to do is get high; as in 2,000+ meters above sea level. Getting up for sunrise means starting a three hour hike at 3 A.M.

Hiking Serles for 3 hours to catch the sunrise.

Her idea of a long, romantic walk is snowshoeing on the Alps, foraging for mushrooms, or hiking to stunning glacier lakes. When you get to the glacier lakes, she’ll make you go for a quick swim in the near-freezing water. Your legs will remain in a constant state of soreness because she wants to hike up this or that mountain every weekend.

Once you get to these beautiful glacier lakes, be prepared for a dip.

She prefers to sleep in a cozy mountain hut instead of checking into a resort. She’ll laugh at you for asking about bears and wolves on the mountain. She doesn’t really need you because she can build a fire, clear snow, cook and pitch a tent better than you ever will. You’ll inevitably find dirt, leaves and pine needles at her home and the laundry will always smell like a campfire.

Innsbruckers love spending time in mountain huts

She prefers her friends and a bottle of wine at the Inn over hitting the trendy bars and clubs. At the Inn, she’ll drink the wine straight from the bottle, not caring what anyone has to say about it. You’ll never learn real German because her and her friends default to Tyrolean dialect, deal with it.

She’s not impressed by a car because her beloved bicycle is the preferred mode of transportation.

She won’t be impressed by a fancy car, but she will be impressed if you can keep up on a mountain bike tour.

She’d rather spend time with you at the AlpenZoo instead of streaming some mediocre film on Netflix. She has no idea what Games of Thrones is. The only things she is looking forward to watching are stars, meteor showers, and snow flakes falling. She won’t let you spoil her at a fancy restaurant. She’s happy with a plate of cheese, bread, and a bottle of wine. She’ll insist that you try the local beer, all of them. Then there’s Schnapps, lots of it; she’ll make you drink that as well.

Tiroler Bier, one of the locally brewed beers. Tasty and packs quite the punch. Another tasty local beer is Bierol

She’ll never have time to be a couch potato with you and she’ll never reply to your messages right away because she’s always busy with activities like yoga, hitting the gym, playing beach volleyball, running, cross fit, or gathering with friends and family. If you want to spend time with her, get with it. Don’t worry too much about having to be so active, it will balance out her family over feeding you every time you visit their homes.

Be prepared to sample all the traditional Tyrolean dishes

She’ll push you out of your comfort zone with bungee jumping, sky diving, rafting, rock climbing, skiing Europe’s steepest slope, skeleton, bobsledding or flying in a glider plane. She’ll always leave you behind as she shreds the mountain and you zigzag your way down the slope.

Fly over Innsbruck in a glider plane

It doesn’t stop there! Be ready to eat Graukäse, Sülze, Beuschl, Kutteln, Zunge, Grammelknödel, Schmalzbrot, Blutwurst and their mystery meat sandwiches known as “Fleischkässemmel”. If you fall in love with an Innsbrucker; being hungry isn’t enough, you’ll also have to be a bit adventurous when it comes to the food. If you suffer an injury, be prepared to have it layered with Topfen.

You may not have expected for the words “gray” and “Cheese” to be used together, but it’s delicious. Aspic is also a pleasant surprise.

If you’re not into being active, meaningful relationships, spending quality time with loved ones, exploring the Alps, good cheese and wine; stay away from Innsbruckers. They’re not for you.

Innsbruck will always be her first love. If you do happen to fall in love with a mountain girl, be happy with coming in second; soon enough, you’ll also be swept off your feet by Innsbruck and its charm.